Who's Now??

Who is now ESPN?

I'll tell you, Worldwide Leader, I don't know who is the most "Now," but it's not you.

With nothing better to report on other than steroid-using Barry Bonds and steroid-using cyclists over a relatively sports-less summer of 07, ESPN has really reached far down into Stuart Scott's creative recesses for their latest terrible feature. It's essentially a theoretical tournament for what athlete Keyshawn Johnson and Jessica Biel think has the hottest wife or following of skanks. This lame little feature which Newsweek has described as "like chewing styrofoam" has quite literally turned me off of ESPN almost permanently. It's bad enough that they ignore the greatest sport in the world to promote the NFL, Barry Bonds, ultimate fighting, poker, NASCAR and arena football on a daily basis, they rubbed it in the faces of two of the top 4 athletes on the planet in Sidney Crosby and Roger Federer in the most annoying way possible. If ESPN ever makes mention of this segment again, just flip over to E! News or that VH1 show where the deadbeat D-list comedians comment on the week's entertainment news. That's all that Keyshawn and Jessica say on Who's Now.

Way to unofficially and pathetically deify Shaq, LeBron, LT, Peyton, and Tiger Woods some more ESPN.

I'd rather watch a segment featuring the Schwab eating at an all-you-can-eat BBQ. (Ironically as I write this in a sarcastic fashion I recall watching a serious report on competitive eating when some American fatass beat the little Japanese hot dog eater on July 4)

Well I, for one, am going to refuse to do what Michael Wilbon wants me to do. I don't care how much he loves Chicago and hates white people. No matter how much they peddle those sports stars to keep everyone watching them (which everyone does like little ESPN-puppets) I will resist. If there is anything in the world that I DON'T care about, it is the Baltimore Ravens training camp. Or how Terrell Owens pinky finger is feeling. Or how much Dale Earnhardt Jr. can charm the American South with how many times he can say "ya'll" on national TV. Or the latest chemist who juiced up Barry Bonds and the book he wrote about it. Or the 45th time Brett Favre has decided that he's (maybe) retiring.

ESPN, the Worldwide (NASCAR, NFL, NBA, and Poker) Leader in Sports... and making you feel like you'd rather chew styrofoam.