Overzealous Roids

Overzealous Prosecutors is breaking its long-held silence about the latest great villain behind the destruction of baseball. While unions haven't gone away, they have been vanquished as powerful foes and given way to the people's enjoyment of the game once more. However, that hasn't stopped this nefarious character from continuing to wile away -- ever plotting the demise of baseball and its adherents. I speak, of course, of ROIDS LARUSSA.

Informally, OP has talked of this scourge on the game for some time. Amongst others, 'Roids' oversaw the continuous and barbaric torture of Jose Canseco's body, only to follow it with once-innocent but soon-tarnished Mark McGwire's while Manager of the Oakland Athletics. After some losing seasons in Oakland, Roids vowed to never again endure the academic censure of his colleagues -- and so soon led many young, upcoming, idealistic stars into the ways of performance-enhancing drugs while at the same time offering salvation to old, stagnating stars of yesteryear.

Mark McGwire, not so coincidentally, enters the picture once more. But also think back to Scott Rolen, whose body drugs left ravaged, and Jim Edmonds, who hit a bit too well for too long if you ask me. Like Barry Bonds, Albert Pujols was eerily talented, but was he too inculcated in the ways of Roids LaRussa? Now there's Rick Ankiel working in the system. ( And Troy Glaus might be his best friend. )

COINCIDENCE?? I ask you, the jury, could this all POSSIBLY be a coincidence? Is there any other manager who has even a remotely similar record? Is there any possible way that Roids LaRussa could not have known of the disgusting legacy he was fostering in a once-honorable league?

Is there anything we can do to STOP it? Stephen A. Smith: call Roids LaRussa. Bring this man to justice.

Overzealous Unity of Command

Recently, my contact information was requested for the Military Law Students Association, of which I am a happy member. Some people might wonder: what business does he have being a member?

I am a Fleet Admiral in Starfleet. Although Starfleet's primary mission is in fact one of exploration, while many have felt it to be "peace," Starfleet is also the first, last, and every line of defense in space for the United Federation of Planets and Earth. We can all recall the many times Captain James T. Kirk saved our planet, or even the rare occasion when Captain Jean-Luc Picard did the same.

More importantly, there is the concept of unity of command. This martial concept can be employed for devastating effectiveness when diverse branches of armed forces are brought together for a battle or strategic theater.

Due to the Navy's overprotectiveness, and the drunk tirades of one Admiral King, our military did its best to hamper MacArthur's war effort in the Pacific. It is true that the Japanese feared MacArthur above all, but apparently we were more concerned with placating Ernest King and Chester Nimitz by giving the Navy a huge Pacific theater of command and relegating MacArthur to the "Southwest Pacific area." By separating the theaters in this cumbersome arrangement, both egos are somewhat satisfied as they receive commands.

By far the better solution would have been to have one and only one person in broad supreme command of the Pacific war effort. MacArthur argued strenuously for this, saying that he would "hold the horse if asked to," and although there can be little doubt that he would (see: ridiculous, idiotic orders from Truman in Korean War), he most certainly did not expect to be subordinate to Nimitz when all was said and done.

In any case, such unity of command would have avoided many needless deaths (specifically, Nimitz's extraordinary island blunders), and pointed a swift dagger at Tokyo far sooner. In summary, unity of command facilitates communication, orders, tactics, and strategy -- it is absolutely essential in times of crisis.

In times of crisis, Starfleet IS the unity of command, supplanting any one of the terrestrial armed forces for the top. My position would essentially be Supreme Commander of all forces, so it is a great honor for anyone from the US Army, Navy, Air Force, or Marine Corps (or Coast Guard) to work with me in the MLSA. I try not to go because it's not particularly good taste to mingle with the men, but when in 21st century Earth, do as the Earthlings do.

Monumental

I would like to point the blog's attention to the Global Peace Film Festival, taking in place in Orlando and on the Rollins College Campus in late September. At this festival, a film named "Monumental" will premiere on Friday, Sept. 28 at the Orlando Science Center. The film documents the life of David Brower: outdoorsman, environmentalist, and American hero. Brower founded the Sierra Club among various other natoinwide organizations, and was a decorated veteran of the Second World War. Much of the movie includes footage shot by Brower himself, including what will prove to be gripping action sequences taking place on rafting trips and training atop the mountains of Colorado. Brower's actions inspired Americans to appreciate the natural world around them and his influence will last through his organizations and this film.

Some useful links:
http://www.peacefilmfest.org/osc.html
www.earthisland.org/brower/index.cfm
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_R._Brower

Overzealous Sean Penn Redux

Every now and then I like to reminisce about the good times we Overzealous Prosecutors have had indicting some of the notable criminals of our time. Remember, for example, the time Sean Penn made the Katrina aftermath worse by his presence, as his makeshift rescue cutter started sinking into the abyss. THIS was journalism:

OVERZEALOUS SEAN PENN

Overzealous Nick Anderson

There's a competition on YouTube for most overzealous Orlando Magic fan, and it brings to mind my youthful vigor in watching every Magic game on Sunshine Network with my good friends Chip Caray and Goose Givens. Those were the days. But I thought I would share with you some memories of the last of the original Magic team that included such greats as Morlon Wiley, Sam Vincent, and Mark Acres (the butt of far too many jokes):



And of course, the most memorable Nick Anderson moment of all:



According to Wikipedia, "At the end of the first game of the series, Orlando's Nick Anderson commented that "He didn't look like the old Michael Jordan,"[43] after which Jordan returned to wearing his old number (23)." Also according to Wikipedia, "Anderson is now retired from basketball, but recently accepted a job with the Magic in the community relations department."

I used to think Nick Anderson was the only dependable player on the Magic. His 6'6" standup poster in my room, my brother's room, and all my neighbors' rooms seemed to prove he also a dependable friend. Thank you Nick Anderson.

Overzealous HMOs

While many believe that HMOs are out to lunch on helping the folks afford healthcare, there's one that has missed the boat altogether: Independent Health is advertising that you deserve THE REDSHIRT TREATMENT.

Well *I* don't want the redshirt treatment! You know what happens to redshirts, don't you? If you're on a Starfleet vessel circa 2263-2268, and they beam down to a planet, moon, starbase, or starship, that redshirt has a very high likelihood of dying. That's because redshirts are security officers, whose job is to protect the other members of the landing party or to secure the area.

Sure enough, people are fleeing from Independent Health's plan as fast as they can, rejecting this insensitive affront to the millions of people in America who are Star Trek fans trying to find a good deal on healthcare.

For more on redshirts, click here. For a Star Wars fan trying to create a scandal by impersonating a Star Trek fan, click here.

Overzealous Casting

Do you have ANY idea how happy Karen Allen is to have a job? To be talking to people with careers? I know this seems mean, but it's not mean, I am bringing this up for anthropological purposes: this human being could not POSSIBLY be happier.



This is what Disco would be like if Michael Jackson asked him back to the Magical Kingdom for a nightcap. This is what TheGreatOne would be like if he never had to hear the word 'budget' again. This is what Red Hat would be like if the Devil Rays won a game against someone other than the Yankees. This is what Desert Fox would look like if he was offered a crew scholarship at Cairo University. This is what Corey Haim would look like if he got a contract for a one-time high school production of Lost Boys 3. This is what I would look like if I got to clean the bottom of people's shoes or help Mr. Nimoy with his irritable bowel syndrome on the set of the next Star Trek movie.

It's a wonderful thing to see, folks. This... THIS is happiness. Kudos to Karen Allen on a wonderful hair dye job.

Overzealous You Tube

Today I decided to check out the most viewed videos of all time on YouTube. I expected the top 10 to include "Dick In a Box," "The Real Life Simpsons Intro," and "You have Black friends Now." Little did I suspect that the second most viewed YouTube video of all time would be Avril Lavigne's Girlfriend. In fact, it has over 50 million views!!! I have no words to explain this. My only possible thought is that the Queen of England must've ordered Canada to put the video on constant reload.

We here at OP, once again, have no words to describe the weird habits of the Canadian people. Shocking...

OP Poll, Year 3, Week 1

It's that time of year again. We are publishing the first OP POLL of the year, the nation's only poll that doesn't respond to the bias of the anti-Gator conspiracy in the AP Poll and the jealous whims of the Coaches in the other poll. We factor in everything, including fun, to our poll.

Week 1

Top 25
1. South Carolina
2. Florida
3. Oklahoma
4. LSU
5. USC-West
6. Auburn
7. Wisconsin
8. Michigan
9. Texas
10. Louisville
11. West Virginia
12. Georgia
13. Boise State
14. Tennessee
15. Virginia Tech
16. Nebraska
17. Kentucky
18. FSU
19. Miami
20. Notre Dame
21. Arkansas
22. Cal
23. UCLA
24. Ohio State
25. Rutgers

Bottom 5
176. FAU
177. FIU
178. Pittsburgh
179. UCF
180. Illinois

South Carolina continues its unprecedented 105 weeks at the top of the poll. The bottom five is, interestingly, unchanged from two years ago. Two years ago, it was incredibly prescient. Others receiving votes were:

26. Houston
27. Boston College
28. Hawaii
29. Penn State
30. Alabama
31. Texas Tech
32. Duke

Overzealous Tom Green

For those of you who don't know (up until 2 minutes ago including myself), Tom Green is back. Or, well, in a way, he's been back for about a year, doing his Tom Green Show shtick five nights a week. The man wanted his own talk show, so he got it. Recently, I heard a rumor that he was a candidate to be on network or cable television again, but he will be settling for this for now.

As a high-ranking overzealous prosecutor, let me be the first to say that I don't expect any nominations for anything remotely Tom Green-related to the OP Hall of Fame. That includes anything involving Drew Barrymore, who is probably universally detested by every OP except, of course, for Kmac the Contrarian.

Overzealous Coultergeist

Listen, this is getting out of hand. Surely, even Democratic Presidential contenders have shreds of dignity. We all know that John Edwards made his money off running good doctors out of business thereby lowering the quality of healthcare for everyone whom the doctors might have helped but also for everyone else since the cost of basic healthcare would go up out of fear of greedy lawyers like Edwards. We all knew that. But now he is running his campaign entirely off of mentioning Ann Coulter's name.


John Edwards: the people want to hear about ideas. They want to hear about a vision for the country that doesn't involve your divisive "Two Americas" approach. We want someone to unite us so that we may move forward, not backward into the 1960s with you and your party. As Mitt Romney says, we wish to leave even the era of Reagan-Bush behind. We want a future even better than that. Stop hating on the charming Ann Coulter.

And that's the overzealous memo for tonight.

Overzealous Dictator Death

Sources have revealed to OP that Cuban dictator Fidel Castro has died. This shocking news is still developing.

You heard it here first, folks. OP is always on the inside bringing you news. Impacting....

Overzealous Prime Ministers

I am hereby announcing exclusively on the OP my advocacy for Ken Dryden as leader of the Liberal Party of Canada. While comfortable with the current conservative government under the leadership of Prime Minister Stephen Harper, and while my focus is more immediately directed to the presidential campaign of Governor Mitt Romney, the heart of the Desert Fox is with the leadership bid of Ken Dryden.

A recent poll in Canada shows that many people agree. http://www.gandalfgroup.ca/downloads/Liberal_Leadership_The_Publics_Choice.pdf

After being drafted by the Boston Bruins in 1964, Dryden went on to attend Cornell University instead of reporting for his professional goaltending duties, instead becoming an accomplished scholar and star goaltender, leading his team to the NCAA championship in 1967. Having been traded to the Montreal Canadiens, he stayed out of the National Hockey League in favor of attending Law School at the University of McGill, famous for educating members of the Fraser family. In 1970, Dryden decided to turn pro and that year, won the rookie of the year, the Stanley cup, and the playoff MVP trophy. After two more successful seasons, he held out during
contract negotiations and finished his Law degree at McGill. Dryden retired from hockey at the age of 31 as one of the all time greatest goaltenders and pursued a career in broadcast journalism, writing, the front office of the Toronto Maple Leafs, and finally, politics. Dryden was elected to a Toronto district of the House of Commons and later to Parliament and named Minister of Social Development. He was re-elected in 2006 and later announced his current aspiration to lead the Liberal Party. You can check his MP profile here. Influential pundits from Canada's Liberal Party think that he is the most capable replacement for Paul Martin at the top of the party and Stephen Harper as Prime Minister:

"Dryden - Why can we win with Ken? Three simple reasons. (a.) He has high name recognition and a strong reputation - People know who Ken is and once they hear him speak and set out his vision, they will see an honest, sincere politician not out there trying to simply win 40% of the vote, but a man who honestly believes that government can do good in this country and that 100% of Canadians can get behind his idea of what Canada can be. (b.) He can raise money - The Liberals are desperately falling behind in the money chase. Ken is the only guy who can go into rural Canada and draw large crowds. While they may come out because of his sporting past, they'll stay to hear about his ideas. The key is getting people to listen and Ken is the only candidate who has the gift in this race. (c.) He has the right policies - Ken contrasts clearly with Harper's visionor lack there of. His description of a "pinched, small" Conservative ideology is strong and I think it will resonate with Canadians if he is given a stage onto which to shout it out. Imagine what we could do if the people running Iggy's or Rae's campaign were running Ken's. Imagine putting Kinsella's strategic mind behind the image and voice of Dryden.

If we want to win then we have to select a leader who can lead us there. Ken Dryden is the one - listen, watch and read - learn about the candidates and imagine them during a campaign. Once you do that, you'll understand that winning this time isn't really an option, it's a necessity and Ken's the candidate to do it."

Ken Dryden. Scholar goalie, renaissance man.