Overzealous Poetry
While I won't be publishing my most famous poem on OP just yet, since I need to find an accurate copy... I will post some filler instead. So here's an overzealous exchange between me and my brother a few yrs back on IM (warning, rated R):
H0tB0y: well god damnit i told i didnt recogonize the bitch, RIGHT!
Admiral: LOL
Admiral: Okay okay, gee whiz!
H0tB0y: she hot as fucking shit on a flamming stick of
...yeah. Or how about this web gem between my dad, the rest of the family, and my Nana:
NANA: I need to go to Walgreens for some Prozac!
People: ...prozac...?
DAD: PRILOSZEC!! -- but, yeah, you *need* some Prozac.
Here's a special poem I wrote for a special person:
WHEN A MONKEY PEES
HE SEES THE WORLD
HE STRIKES OUT
AND BECOMES A WHIRL
A MONKEY IS ONLY TRULY FREE
WHEN A MONKEY PEES
I think we'd all agree that no poem, until now, has captured both the ephemerality of life as well as its glorious whimsy and current pressures. It is a paradox and a statement on both the human / monkey adventure. As I mentioned to someone today, however, we mustn't analyze it too deeply for the full meaning lay in a place we dare not go.
Speaking of places we dare not go, compliments of mdevicente.
H0tB0y: well god damnit i told i didnt recogonize the bitch, RIGHT!
Admiral: LOL
Admiral: Okay okay, gee whiz!
H0tB0y: she hot as fucking shit on a flamming stick of
...yeah. Or how about this web gem between my dad, the rest of the family, and my Nana:
NANA: I need to go to Walgreens for some Prozac!
People: ...prozac...?
DAD: PRILOSZEC!! -- but, yeah, you *need* some Prozac.
Here's a special poem I wrote for a special person:
WHEN A MONKEY PEES
HE SEES THE WORLD
HE STRIKES OUT
AND BECOMES A WHIRL
A MONKEY IS ONLY TRULY FREE
WHEN A MONKEY PEES
I think we'd all agree that no poem, until now, has captured both the ephemerality of life as well as its glorious whimsy and current pressures. It is a paradox and a statement on both the human / monkey adventure. As I mentioned to someone today, however, we mustn't analyze it too deeply for the full meaning lay in a place we dare not go.
Speaking of places we dare not go, compliments of mdevicente.
posted by Admiral at
10:56 PM
10 Comments:
I haven't seen language that reprehensible since... you were trying to make a point at UES last week.
By
Red Hat, at 1:09 AM
Were I you, Admiral, I'd delete line three, and "truly" in line five. They throughs off the smoothness of the meter, which you want to be a golden, flowing arch in the sky, not a sputtering dribble.
By
monocrat, at 9:39 AM
And delete the superfluous "s" in my comment's "throughs". Oy.
By
monocrat, at 9:40 AM
Well, if I were you, I'd just change the whole word from "through" to "throw" but that's me. Also, no one cares about meter anymore, it's about the sheer power of the paradox as communicated in revolutionary, innovative poetry.
By
Admiral, at 2:10 PM
Too bad monkeys aren't monogomous animals. They are just too complex to have dumb loyalty as a personality trait.
By
Anonymous, at 3:28 PM
Although it is a beautiful poem in itself and in the spirit with which it was created. If only such moments could be stretched into infinity and others folded into singularities.
By
Anonymous, at 3:32 PM
Kali, where have you been all my life? As Dr. Arroway said, though, "the world is what you make of it." It's possible that we just might be able to do that, I think...
By
Admiral, at 11:14 PM
Excellent point about "through," Admiral. I stand by my advice, though. I'm not suggesting you adopt the pentameter, but rather iron out the rythm of the poem so as not to distract from the paradox, the revolution and the innovation.
By
monocrat, at 3:33 PM
http://www.poetry.com/contest/contest.asp
I think the Admiral should submit.
By
Anonymous, at 4:17 PM
Perhaps, cleverness goes a long way in my book.
By
Anonymous, at 9:42 PM
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